Why Some Losses Are Hard to Talk About

Grief is a natural human response to loss, but not all forms of grief are openly recognised or supported. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a person’s loss is not acknowledged by society, making the grieving process even more difficult. First introduced by Dr. Kenneth Doka in 1989, this type of grief can be isolating, leaving individuals feeling invalidated and alone.

What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief refers to loss that is not socially accepted, recognised, or supported in the way that traditional grief is. Society often fails to acknowledge the pain caused by certain losses, leading individuals to suffer in silence.

Some common examples include:

1. Breakups and Relationship Loss
The end of a relationship can be deeply painful, yet breakup grief is often dismissed as something we should "move on" from quickly. The emotional pain of losing a romantic partner—along with the future that was envisioned together—can be just as impactful as any other form of grief.

2. Loss of a Pet
For many people, pets are family. They provide companionship, comfort, and unconditional love. When a pet passes away, the grief can be overwhelming, yet society tends to minimise this loss compared to the death of a human loved one.

3. Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss
Losing a pregnancy is an incredibly painful experience, yet it is often not openly discussed, leaving parents to grieve alone. Many people struggling with miscarriage feel their grief is invalidated, particularly when others fail to acknowledge their loss or provide support.

4. Fertility Struggles and Failed IVF Treatments
Trying to conceive and facing fertility challenges can bring immense emotional distress. Whether due to infertility, repeated IVF failures, or pregnancy loss, the grief of an imagined future family is rarely validated in the same way as other losses.

5. Job Loss and Career Changes
Losing a job isn’t just about financial instability—it can affect self-worth, identity, and mental well-being. However, society often downplays the emotional impact of job loss, making it harder for individuals to process their grief.

Why Disenfranchised Grief Can Be Harmful

When grief is not recognised, individuals may experience 

1. Isolation – Feeling alone in their grief due to lack of acknowledgement from others.

2. Guilt or Shame – Questioning whether their loss is "important enough" to grieve.

3. Increased Stress and Anxiety – Unresolved grief can contribute to mental health struggles.

4. Depression – Feeling disconnected, invalidated, or unable to express emotions can lead to depressive symptoms.

How to Cope with Disenfranchised Grief

Healing from disenfranchised grief requires self-validation and support. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Seek Support from Understanding People
Find friends, family members, or therapists who recognise and respect your grief. Surrounding yourself with those who validate your emotions can help ease feelings of isolation.

2. Join a Support Group
Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can be a powerful source of comfort and validation.

3. Create Personal Rituals
Rituals can help honour your loss, even if society does not. Consider writing a letter, lighting a candle, planting a tree, or creating a memory book to commemorate your experience.

4. Set Boundaries
If others dismiss or invalidate your grief, it’s okay to set boundaries. Let people know that your feelings are real and that you need space to process your emotions.

5. Consider Therapy
Speaking with a therapist can help you navigate complex emotions, validate your grief, and develop coping strategies.

Grief is a deeply personal journey, and every form of grief deserves recognition and support. If you or someone you know is struggling with disenfranchised grief, know that your feelings are valid. Seeking professional help can provide the guidance needed to navigate this complex experience.

If you need support, we’re here to help. Book a session with one of our therapists today.
You can email [email protected] or call us on 01 611 1719

Note: The content in this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment.