Strategies to Encourage Therapy for Someone Who’s Hesitant

The decision to come to therapy is not always an easy one. For many people, this can be daunting, challenging, and even frightening, leading to refusal. They may not know what the process involves—sharing their most private thoughts and feelings with a stranger in an unfamiliar setting. In my work as a psychotherapist, this is often the biggest obstacle to clients making positive changes in their lives. The fear of change, its consequences, loss of identity, and threats to psychological integrity are common reasons people avoid therapy.

These are some of the common reasons that prevent people from accessing support and getting the help they need. However, there are several adaptive strategies that friends, partners, or relatives can use to help those who find therapy daunting, ineffective, or a waste of time.

1. Validate Their Needs:

People who refuse therapy do not want to be coerced by family or a potential therapist. This could lead to resentment and premature termination. The first strategy is to validate the person’s right to feel apprehensive about therapy. Listening to their reasons and acknowledging their fears sends a message that it's okay to be worried or scared.

2. Acknowledge Your Failures:

One powerful intervention is to acknowledge that you might not fully understand their difficulties because of human fallibility. This normalises feelings that prevent people from seeking support. By sharing this recognition, you validate their struggles and show that it's okay not to understand everything immediately.

3. Establish Warmth and Willingness to Help:

Send a clear message that you are not blaming them for their decision. Offer time and willingness to listen to their fears, worries, and problems. This helps them feel validated and cared for, even if they refuse therapy at the moment.

4. Balance Problem-Solving with Hearing Them:

Different people have different attitudes toward helping others. Minimizing the problem or rushing to solve it can be harmful. Instead, express concern and show that you understand their reluctance without blaming them. Ask, “What can I do that might be helpful for you?” instead of pushing solutions.

5. Don’t Push Change Too Soon:

The most important strategy is to validate, validate, validate. Always validate their experience, whether or not you agree with it. While change is necessary for improvement, focusing solely on change can minimise their difficulties. Balance validating their feelings with offering hope that therapy can support new strategies to improve their life. Encourage them to explore different types of therapy and involve them in their choices, fostering a collaborative approach.

If you wish to speak to someone about your options for therapy, please call us at 01 611 1719.